roughly a month and a half left

This blog is intended to verbalize my heart and my faith so that I can reflect upon my growth, struggles, and set backs, because I am after-all, human as God created me. Feel free to read this at your own risk.

Well, I have about 2 weeks until I finish my soph year at VCU and then im back home to virginia beach. Then I'll have about a month to work up some money, raise some funds for Honduras and spend some time with some specific friends and family before Im ready to be gone for a year. I know that God needs me to allow Him to use this time to listen to His will and direction with my family and friends in case something crazy happens down there. It's been a month since Ive been in NY with the friars and already I miss them to the extent that I have dreams about my time with them, as well as so much excitement to be living across the street in Comayagua to them. There is something about their lifestyle that I had envisioned since I was a child, the spiritual freedom to work with whoever whenever God needs me to, and the community and brotherhood they have really fills my heart with peace Ive never known before. Although it's been hard explaining my feelings of being called to that lifestyle to my family and friends, the love of Christ poured through so many of them when they supported the sincerity they said they saw in my words. I pray everyday that those closest to me can continue to support me and my desires to the fullest as well as know that I am not planning on "ditching" any of them. For the possibility exists that I might never see many of them ever again, it is in Heaven that I pray I will be reunited to all of those who have directly and indirectly supported me in my life, my struggles and in my walk with Jesus Christ. As Saint Paul says, "When I was a child, I used to speak like a child, think like a child, reason like a child; when I became a man, I did away with childish things." and I feel that desire in my heart more than ever. Even more than that, I feel the urgency in that calling at this point in my life. These 2 years have held more experiences in them then I had ever hoped or even expected to see at all. My wildest imagination didn't even prepare me for certain events that took place these last 2 years, having friends and acquantances revealing things that have blown me away, in both positive and negative ways. Living in richmond I have seen so many things that virginia beach could never prepare me for, and it was solely through the mercy of the Lamb of God that got me through them and has thus made me who I am today. Through it all, I have felt a very deep calling to serve my fellow man, not only as we are all called to do as the Body of Christ, but in a deeper way. I dont say that as if I have a higher calling, but at this point in my life I see that serving in a religious community (ordained, or as a lay brother) could be the only future that could bring me peace in knowing that I was being used the way I was constructed to be used. It is the love in the eyes of the poorest of the poor even here in Richmond (who have it way better than they could ever realize) as well as in Honduras from my experiences so far that has brought me the peace needed to last all this time. The joy it brings to be used as an instrument of Christs peace so far and even more dramatically in NY for the short time I was there, has really revealed to me my passions and desires for my life. I continue to pray that God reveals more to me and the essential things needed before I leave for this year or possibly more so that my heart can truly be at peace in Honduras for this important part of my life.